【Imaginary Sex With A Woman Who Does Anything】

There is Imaginary Sex With A Woman Who Does Anythingan ongoing national nightmare and not enough people are talking about it. Big Bird is now small. Tiny, even. I repeat: Big Bird is small. The horror.

How did this begin? We do not fully know. But Big Bird, seemingly out of nowhere, posted on X (formerly Twitter) that he was small — as if he woke up that way one day. Suddenly, his 8'2" frame shrunk to insect size. And we're just supposed to go on living our lives? In this changed world?

This was the initial post, from Wednesday.

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From there, the account for Big Bird has posted repeatedly about being small. And being stuck in his new, tiny size.

Big Bird seemed to grapple with his very identity. Frankly, the posts feel like cosmic horror.

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Has his new size rendered him invisible to his loved ones? Has our beloved giant bird been condemned to a life haunting what once was?

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Your screams will fall on deaf ears, bird. There will be no playing any longer.

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OK, so clearly, this is some sort of marketing stunt. To what end is unclear. But it has worked. The internet has been joking about Big Bird's shrunkenness.

This article, for instance, has negated some folks' worries.

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Others joked about how stressed they were.

• 'Sesame Street' videos get an accessibility expansion with new descriptive audio and ASL features
• 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' imagined some truly messed up Big Bird auditions
• 'Abbott Elementary's Quinta Brunson teaches Cookie Monster about kindness in sweet 'Sesame Street' clip
• Elmo, Big Bird, The Roots, and Jimmy Fallon give the 'Sesame Street' theme song a hip hop remix
• Big Bird has the best 'thank u, next' meme yet

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I don't know if this makes me a bad person but this joke made me laugh very hard.

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This one, too.

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And all of these.

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As of this writing this dire situation has not been remedied. Big Bird remains small, as far as we know. The horror continues unabated. But perhaps soon he will return to his full size and all will be right with the world.

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