【Randy Spears Archives】

Always the royal wedding spectator and Randy Spears Archivesnever the royal bride? Yeah, me too. Fear ye not, fellow royal fanatics, for we have a little trick up our sleeves that could set your Tinder ablaze right on time for the royal nuptials.

SEE ALSO: How guests will be expected to behave at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding

I gave some tried-and-tested pickup lines a royal makeover and sent them off to my Tinder matches in the hope of finding romance ahead of Harry and Meghan's big day.

Much to my delight — and surprise, if we're being honest — these regal openers worked like a charm.

Behold, my success at finding a Tinder prince—well several, actually.

'You might be 100th in line to the throne, but you're first in line to my royal goblet'

Honestly, I would have replaced "royal goblet" with "heart," but I wasn't sure if diving straight in to the soppy stuff would scare away my matches.

Despite not fully understanding what the hell was going on, Martin told me this was his "favourite Tinder exchange in quite some time."

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'Do you wanna Buck(ingham Palace)?'

This line was suggested by a very dear friend with a penchant for innuendos. You reap what you sow, as they say, and this rather transparent innuendo was met with cringeworthy double-entendres. Not sure the Queen would approve of this.

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'Will you be the Harry to my Meghan?'

I tried a line sans double entendre, in an effort to not rush into things too soon. I asked a few matches if they fancied being the Harry to my Meghan.

This line worked a treat. A few messages in, I received a marriage proposal. Of course, there were logistics to be considered. If I were to keep up this royal theme, then I needed to have all the airs and graces of a member of the royal family. And, that includes insisting on a wedding venue befitting someone of royal blood.

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Jamie, meanwhile, wasn't quite so fussed about my Meghan Markle reference. Ah well, you win some, you lose some.

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'If you were heir apparent, I'd pick you first'

I had high hopes for Geoffrey, who told me right away that he's of noble blood. Sadly, though, it later emerged that he's penniless and landless, so I told him that I wasn't interested. Sorry!

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'I'll be your queen if you'll be my royal subject'

This convo escalated pretty quickly. All I said was "I'll bring my sceptre," and he asked me to bring along a bikini and a black crop top I was wearing in my profile pics. Hmmm. I'll pass thanks. "Long silence" indeed.

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Will, meanwhile, wanted to know precisely what this role would entail. "Me wearing a crown and you paying taxes to keep me in the lap of luxury," I replied. He was fine with it, surprisingly. And, he seemed to want to know what shoes I'd be wearing...

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Some lines weren't quite so successful, alas. Some completely fell flat:

• "I'd abdicate for you"

• "Was your dad a king? Because your crown jewels look big."

• "Roses are red, violets are blue, Will you be my king? I’ll be your boo."

With a few of these lines, you might find yourself following Harry and Meghan's footsteps down the aisle.

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